Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
