He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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