I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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