he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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