WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
