you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
