Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
