Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
