Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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