I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
