before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
