Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
