umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
