We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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