My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
