if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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