I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
