I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
