It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
