new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
