Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
only you would photoshop your dick
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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