I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
