Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
