Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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