Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
