No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
