Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
