ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
