What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dick very happy bro
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
