Tell her she can't have a vagina
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
