he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
