woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
