I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
