Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
