i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
