K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
In America we eat man semen.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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