I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
