i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
