Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
