I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
