After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I lost the right to judge tonight
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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