dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
