Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
