so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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