I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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