Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
