tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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