I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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