I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
