No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
