I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Vodka?
Forever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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