So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
