just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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