She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
