he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
