he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
