do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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