Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
