I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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