Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
